The Balancing Act: How Working Fathers in Singapore Can Manage Better

Credit: Fotomat

Today marks the end of my 4-week paternity leave, a period in which I had the privilege of fathering our second boy while caring for a 2.5-year-old toddler and a postpartum spouse. This time, I approached fatherhood without distractions, feeling both fulfilled and accomplished.

Two years ago, a colleague remarked that I seemed distraught—“broken” was the term he used—despite my efforts to maintain a steady front at work. The truth is, I struggled during my first experience of parenthood with only two weeks of paternity leave. I was insanely sleep-deprived while adjusting to the new norm. I gained 5-8kg even though I was skipping meals, and my mind just wasn’t present; I was practically floating on autopilot, performing one task after another. I became the giver who still gave even though my tank was empty because I thought it was the right thing to do. I felt I didn’t deserve to prioritize myself because my wife had just gone through childbirth.

This time, I approached fatherhood with a fully conscious mind. I paced myself with regular mental check-ins to see if I was feeling okay or if I needed something to refuel myself, like taking a short nap after completing a chore, going to the gym, or a quick run after sending my toddler to school in the morning. Establishing open communication about our needs with my spouse was crucial. Without a confinement nanny, I managed most, if not all, of the overnight feeds at 2-hour intervals, cooked my wife’s confinement meals while managing her medications, wrangled a toddler who’s always asking to be carried (not that I’m complaining), and still found time for myself, whether it was reading a book or just getting a haircut.

I appreciated the extended paternity leave period. Some asked why I did not space it out in case I needed to use it to supplement my childcare leave. I chose to be fully present during this crucial period and am happy with the outcome.

In an interview with TODAY about paternity leave in 2023, I discussed how the newborn period can be transformative for fathers and family dynamics. Paternity leave helps men take a fair share of parenting and rethinks gender roles, especially in 2024, where the roles of fathers are evolving. Fathers are no longer just the breadwinners; they are active caregivers and equal partners in parenting. I believe this shift is crucial for the well-being of the entire family unit and promotes a more balanced and inclusive society.

This is why the content that RICE Media just published in collaboration with the Ministry of Social and Family Development struck a chord. Video below:

As a millennial, finding the balance between work, family, and caregiving is a constant challenge. For me, the only way to do this sustainably is to take care of ourselves first. Self-care isn't a luxury; it's a necessity. Otherwise, even with the best intentions, everything we hope to achieve can turn into a chore, draining our energy and enthusiasm day by day.

There’s a reason why, when you fly, they always tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others (yes, spoken like a true ex-flight attendant). This principle applies perfectly to our daily lives too. By prioritising our well-being, we ensure we have the strength and focus to support and care for our loved ones effectively. Self-care isn't selfish; it’s essential for giving our best to others.

In the context of fatherhood, this balance is even more crucial. Modern fathers are not just providers; they are nurturers, role models, and active participants in their children's lives. By taking care of ourselves, we can embrace these roles wholeheartedly, making meaningful contributions to our families and hopefully, setting positive examples for our children.

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