The Unexpected Skill I Learned to Grow: Embracing Discomfort

There was a phrase my superior used to tell me without fail, one that still echoes in my mind: “Khai, you need to grow a thicker skin.” It was often said in response to me opening up about how I felt regarding a particular situation in the office. At the time, this statement could have easily been interpreted as gaslighting. I mean, here I was, laying my feelings bare, only to be told I should toughen up? The nerve. But as I’ve progressed in my career, I’ve come to realize there might be more to this advice than meets the eye. Instead of seeing it as dismissive, I decided to give my boss the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he meant well, and maybe—just maybe—there was an opportunity for me to learn and grow here.

Having been in the media industry for over a decade now, I can safely say that I’m good at my job. As an individual contributor, I’ve navigated through my tasks, deadlines, and responsibilities with competence and precision. Yet, when I transitioned into the role of Managing Director, I was handed a magnifying glass that uncovered a lot of deep-rooted issues I didn’t even know I had. These weren’t just business-related problems; they were personal demons that I had kept hidden in the corners of my mind. Imposter syndrome, low self-esteem fueled by the micro-discrimination I faced earlier in my career, fake confidence, and the list goes on.

One of the toughest challenges I faced—and continue to face—is learning to be comfortable sitting with discomfort. And trust me, it’s a skill, not something that comes naturally to most of us. Being thrown into different types of difficult situations, with the added pressure of having to address them, forced me to confront this discomfort head-on. I had to learn how to manage my emotions, control my speech, and not let my internal turmoil affect my outward presentation. In other words, I had to grow that proverbial thicker skin.

In the beginning, it wasn’t easy. There were moments when I’d feel my voice quiver during a tough conversation or when I’d feel my heartbeat race as I presented a new idea to the team, fearing it might be shot down. But with time, I realized that these uncomfortable situations were precisely what I needed to grow. They were my teachers, the invisible mentors that pushed me beyond my comfort zone and into the realm of real growth.

I learned that discomfort isn’t something to be avoided or feared. It’s a signal, a sign that you’re venturing into new territory, that you’re pushing the boundaries of what you know and who you are. And that’s not a bad thing. In fact, it’s essential for growth. Without discomfort, there’s no challenge. Without challenge, there’s no change.

The more I leaned into discomfort, the more I started to see it differently. It wasn’t something that was happening to me but something that was happening for me. Each uncomfortable situation was a lesson in resilience, teaching me how to stay grounded, how to listen more and react less, and how to speak with confidence even when doubt was whispering in my ear. I began to understand that growing a thicker skin doesn’t mean becoming insensitive or indifferent. It means developing the resilience to stay present, even when things get tough. It’s about building the strength to face challenges head-on, without letting them define or defeat you.

Of course, I’m not entirely good at it yet. I still have moments where discomfort feels overwhelming, where I have to remind myself to take a deep breath, to stay calm, to not let my emotions dictate my actions. But I trust that, over time, I will continue to develop into a more resilient professional. I’m learning that it’s okay to feel uncomfortable. It’s okay to admit that I don’t have all the answers. What matters is how I respond to those feelings, how I choose to show up despite them.

In the end, sitting with discomfort isn’t about toughening up in the traditional sense. It’s about embracing vulnerability, and understanding that growth often comes from the most unexpected places. It’s about giving yourself the grace to learn and the courage to keep going, even when the path is uncertain. After all, if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that discomfort is not the enemy—it’s the gateway to becoming who you’re meant to be.

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